I just want to be gone…
It has been a while since I wrote, quite wrong. I have been feeling pretty good. But now that seems so far gone. Now it only hurts, and it hurts a lot. I have a crush, should be something good, but it is not. Not to me, it never is. It only brings me pain. I can’t concentrate, and that is why I allowed myself to fall for somebody, usually I don’t.
I have been have these thought lately. I feel so ugly and so insufficient. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matter, I just want to give up, don’t want to live anymore. I feel so tired all the time, I feel so much, yet so little. I can’t cry, I can’t cry! I feel like I need the tears, yet they don’t come. Right now I want to die. I dream of it you know, about dieing, all of the time I dream of it. It makes no difference if I’m good at work, no difference if I do my best as a mother… I still feel like I don’t look good enough. I want love I think. But I feel I’m not good enough for that. Who can ever love this? Who can ever sink to this level? Why would anyone?
